Danhausen Claims He Retired The Undertaker In 1993

Fightful's Sean Ross Sapp recently sat down with popular independent wrestler Danhausen, where they had a spirited interview, in which they spoke about... well, a lot at once.

Sean Ross Sapp:

“What’s up you guys? Sean Ross Sapp here with a name you know, it’s the first time I have ever interviewed this man. It is Danhausen.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh. Yes. Hello. It is Danhausen here. First time viewer—what did you say? First time on the show you say?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“It’s not really. You’ve been on the show like five or six times now.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, well. That’s a surprise to Danhausen.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Well, I mean, you could argue that interviews with me have launched you into superstardom.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, yes, it’s true. Well, maybe Danhausen launched you into superstardom.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I mean, I’m not the one appearing on Conan O’Brien.”

 

Danhausen:

“Well, that’s the point. Danhausen appears on Conan O’Brien, then you will get to interview Vince, Triple H…”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“What do the three Hs stand for?”

 

Danhausen:

“Hunter Hunter Hunter.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Okay.”

 

Danhausen:

“Triple H. Same thing over and over and over again.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“So, I mean, you’ve had a lot of very high profile interviews. None more high profile than here. None with any more beautiful scenery than right here."

 

Danhausen:

“Ah, yes. We’re in some sort of stadium prison.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“You sold it out.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, yes. That’s true. Danhausen sold out ten thousand or so… What was the record at the WrestleMania 3?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Well Mikey Blanton of Black Label Pro tells me it’s a one million dollar gate today.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh! They should send Danhausen more monies then.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“How much are you getting paid for this?”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, a hundred dollars.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Okay!”

 

Danhausen:

“Have you ever had that much?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I have. I have. I mean, anything more than 99 to me is like, what’s the point?”

 

Danhausen:

“You see this? Have you ever seen such a beautiful thing?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Is that directly from Mikey’s envelope?”

 

Danhausen:

“Yes. It is a hundred dollars and it has Abraham Lincoln on it. He’s the first president, you know?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I don’t think that’s Abraham Lincoln. That is Andrew Jackson.”

 

Danhausen:

“He discovered the Mississippi river and then they made him president.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Who would you rank as the twenty-third best president?”

 

Danhausen:

“Magellan.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Magellan? That’s a good one. That’s a good one, that’s a fair one.”

 

Danhausen:

“He invented the pennies.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“So, as we’re here, as we’re filming this—you worked the Warlord and the Barbarian last night. Those were your teammates. Tell me, what do you have in common with the Warlord and the Barbarian?”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, well we’re both about eight feet tall, three hundred pounds of pure devastation and we’re all undefeated. [On the show], did they retire the Undertaker?"

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Yeah.”

 

Danhausen:

“’Cause Danhausen did in 1993.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Did you?”

 

Danhausen:

“Ohh.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“As Giant Gonzalez. Was that your old gimmick?”

 

Danhausen:

“Who’s that?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I thought that was you. You just can’t use the name anymore because WWE owns it.”

 

Danhausen:

“Yes, well, the big naked fellow.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Do you remember Slim Goodbody?”

 

Danhausen:

“You are thinking of Slim Jims, which is the Macho Man. He goes, ‘Oh yeah!’ and puts coffee on his head.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“He was the guy you’d have to watch in health class and he’d have the Giant Gonzalez suit and he’s like, ‘I’m Slim Goodbody!”

 

Danhausen:

“Danhausen has no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

 

“I’m gonna have to send you links. I think you’d get along with him.”

 

Danhausen:

“Probably not.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Probably not. So, as we film this, there were four Danhausens today. Did they get a cut of your pay? Or did you get paid for all of them? Are they subcontractors?”

 

Danhausen:

“Yes, yes, yes. Danhausen shall be running regional Danhausens. You know, we book these people, we give them some jobs, they dress up like Danhausen, they go to birthday parties, wrestling shows as we’ve seen tonight. We call them the Multiplicities. Have you ever seen the film starring Michael Keaton?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Yes.”

 

Danhausen:

“So, Danhausen has cloned himself—or pays people, who knows?—and we send them to different regions so Danhausen doesn’t have to do so much work.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“So, I’m gonna hit you with the hard hitting questions. What if the Danhausens unionized? How are you going to handle this? This has been a labor dispute and the Danhausens want to unionize.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh. Well, they’re all fired then.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I don’t think you’re allowed to do that when they try to unionize.”

 

Danhausen:

“Danhausen does as he pleases. This is the Danhausen Corporation and try to cross Danhausen and his money, you’re fired.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“You went to Canada and you changed man.”

 

Danhausen:

“Very angry.”

 

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Do you know the exchange rate immediately in your head? Do you know it now?”

 

Danhausen:

“Yes, it’s two dollars to thirty cents.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Okay, that is not accurate. Although it feels like it. So I’m sure if you got paid $100 here, that’s millions in Canada.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, yes, absolutely. Danhausen is a billionaire here, but he’s a zillionaire there.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I mean, $100 here is worth at least a three story, two thousand square foot home in Canada.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, yes. Absolutely. Danhausen has a moat, a helicopter pad—do not have the helicopter yet, but we have the pad. So, hopefully within these new regional Danhausens we can bring that helicopter home.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Let’s do some word association and I’m just going to look around this place… Jimmy Lloyd.”

 

Danhausen:

“Glass.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I think that’s him.”

 

Danhausen:

“Glass. Yes, probably.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Nasty Leroy.”

 

Danhausen:

“Cheeseburger.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Cheeseburger buried him in an interview I did with him.”

 

Danhausen:

“Yes, they’re feuding!”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Yeah, they are. Cheeseburger, the World Famous CB.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, hamburgers. Hamburgers.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“What are you saying? It’s less frills than normal?”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh, no. Just the leaner burger. Healthier. No cheese.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“That’s true and he’s doing great work in the Pure division.”

 

Danhausen:

“He’s World Famous CB now. Got a new hat and a new attitude and a name!”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Who else… Billie Starkz over there.”

 

Danhausen:

“The future.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“She is the future. Kentuckian as well.”

 

Danhausen:

“Oh! Blue hair as well.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I’ve got blue hair.”

 

Danhausen:

“No, you don’t. You’re lying to Danhausen.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I’m not lying. I would not lie to you. Who else we got here? Killer Kelly.”

 

Danhausen:

“Devastating.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Yeah, she is devastating. She is. Danhausen, I want to thank you so much.”

 

Danhausen:

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“I don’t have my watch. You stole it.”

 

Danhausen:

“Yes, Danhausen noticed that you do not have a watch and also Danhausen does not have a watch.”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“That’s ‘cause you stole mine and you sold it.”

 

Danhausen:

“No, Danhausen tried to get you to give him your watch and you would not do such a thing. So, Danhausen has no watch. You have no watch. What are we to do?”

 

Sean Ross Sapp:

“Not tell time, but we’re out of time.”

 

Danhausen:

“It’s clobbering time.”

You can watch the full interview here: