What Chris Benoit Wrote In His Journal After the Funeral of Ray ‘Big Boss Man’ Traylor

WWE announced on last night's Raw the newest inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame is The Big Boss Man. Those who were not familiar with Boss Man (Ray Traylor) may be surprised to know he was highly respected by his peers. He was a fearsome defender of Kayfabe, saved from being a jobber by Dusty Rhodes and really a correctional officer before becoming a wrestler, as revealed in a WhatCulture "10 Things You Didn't Know About The Big Boss Man" article.

One of the more interesting points revealed was Chris Benoit's love of Traylor and how cut up he was after his death in 2004. We all know how hurt he was after Eddie's death and some point to this as his downfall, but many may be surprised to learn he was a close friend of Traylor.

In Benoit's journals he wrote:

"I would spend days with him, and every half hour or so, though it seemed like every five minutes, he would say “Chris Benoit, Have I told you I loved you yet.” And I used to laugh and he would laugh. But by the end of the day, whenever we were done doing whatever we were doing, we would hug I and I would tell him I loved him. I used to laugh when I would hear that from him all day. I used to laugh thinking about it. Now I don’t."

In what may be some chilling insights into what would come later in Benoit’s life, he also wrote:

I don’t remember the first time I met Ray, but that seems to be with a lot of my life. I don’t know if its because Ive lost a lot of memories because of bumping, or if I just don’t like looking in the rear view mirrors too much. This one thing I hate about myself are these walls I put up around myself sometimes when I feel hurt and everything seems to be oblivious."

On Traylor's death Benoit wrote:

"As Nancy and I left the church and watched them put Ray’s coffin into the hearse. We both waved goodbye one last time and I thanked him in my heart, and thanked God for putting him in my life and said I love you Ray.
The words are touching, yet somewhat chilling."

Below is the full transcript following Traylor's funeral:

"22nd of September 2004 Ray Trailor passed away from a heart attack. I dont remember the first time I met Ray, but that seems to be with alot of my life. I dont know if its because Ive lost a lot of memories because of bumbing, or if I just dont like looking in the rear view mirrors too much. This one thing I hate about myself are these walls I put up around myself sometimes when I feel hurt and everything seems to be oblivious.

I loved Ray Trailor. he’s the only person that I know that Ive never seen in a bad mood, or not smile, or not make me smile, EVER. He always made time for me, whether to talk or to lend a helping hand. Ray Trailor was a real person. No guess work. I like to say Ray Trailor was a man’s man. He always used to say that about me, to me. I would spend days with him, and every half hour or so, though it seemed like every 5 minutes he would say “Chris Benoit, Have I told you I loved you yet.” And I used to laugh and he would laugh, but by the end of the day, whenever we were done doing whatever we were doing we would hug I and I would tell him I loved him. I used to laugh when I would hear that from him all day. I used to laugh thinking about it. Now I dont. But I know why he did it, and what he meant. Ray Trailor loved life and everything it offered.

It is Sept 25th today. I’m sitting on a plane on my way to Sioux City to wrestle. I just left Picket Mills Baptist Church where the service for Ray Trailor was held. I spent time with his wife Angie and two young daughter Lacey and Megan. I listened to some of his friends get up and tell stories that made me laugh while I was crying. The most emotional part was listening to his daughter Lacey talk. I wanted to take all her pain and sadness away. I pray that God gives them the strength and faith they need to get through this, Angie, Lacey, Megan.

As Nancy and I left the church and watched them put Ray’s coffin into the hearse. We both waved goodbye one last time and I thanked him in my heart and thanked God for putting him in my life and said I love you Ray."