WNS Column: Plans D-Z?

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been given the ol’ “plan A, plan B, plan C” talk more than we’d probably like to. We found out that Lesnar was plan C (C for mY CLIENT BAAAARAAACK LLLLLEZNAR CONQUERED THE UNDERTAKER’S UNDEFEATED STREAK AT WRESTLEMANIA) but what about plans D through (kind of) Z? Well today we go through other potential plans The Authority could fall back on IF Lesnar just can’t get the job done or if Rollins is not successful in his cash in.

Plan D-Dolph Ziggler 

Ok, this is a personal choice given how much of a fan I am for him. Really though, he’s slowly making his climb back to relevancy with the hunt towards the I.C title (and also kicking in Miz’s moneymaker. Besides, he’d get a similar pop to that of Daniel Bryan when Cena picked Bryan for his opponent at last year's Summerslam.  Ziggler has everything (most) fans want in a champion, as well as The Authority.

Plan E-Big E 

Big E has the power and agility that Lesnar has/had when he was younger. He possesses many similar traits to the big man; one notably being that he’s not the strongest on the mic (much like Lesnar) although he contains much more of a personality. Both have a mouthpiece to speak for them and a dramatic, big win would send that soon-to-be faction/Big E to the top.

Plan F-FAAAAANDAAAAANGOOOO 

No one would expect this. No one could anticipate this. Cena himself would take it lightly, only to have arguably one of the biggest upsets in wrestling history. The Authority would ultimately have the biggest last laugh. Cena would retire and go to movies because of all the embarrassment. Not discrediting Fandango, he’s a great wrestler and entertainer. It’s just the pride of Cena would be crushed that he was beaten by an exotic dancer. The amount of Fandango’ing that would occur after the win would be unprecedented.

Plan G-Goldberg

Imagine this: Cena cuts a promo (smiling and all) about how he, how WE all defeated The Authority’s efforts in dethroning him as champion when all of a sudden we hear a familiar sounding of drums and a gong smashing together. Doors open to The Authority's office door and out walks Goldberg, looking more pissed than ever and eyes are filled with wanting to spear the black and green right off of Cena. He picks up a mic and just before saying anything, absolutely destroys Cena with a spear and jackhammer. He picks up the mic, screams “YOU’RE NEXT” then tosses it and leaves.

Plan H-Heath Slater

Riding on a high from eliminating Cesaro from the IC battle royal at Battleground, Slater has momentum riding with him and The Authority now sees that in the one-man band baybay. Slater’s confidence is too much for Cena and even though he’s named the One Man Band, he’d have all of his roadies (us) with him backing him in the match. With Cena disorientated from all the roadies makin’ a ruckus, Slater nails his finisher, and gets the 3-count. The amount of air guitar-ing being done on the championships would be too damn high and hilariously insulting considering the former champions that have held the titles.

Plan I-Irwin R. Schyster 

Looks like Cena has been behind on paying his taxes all due to being caught up in thwarting the Authority's plans. I.R.S isn’t pleased and ensures to bring Cena back down to reality. IRS hits the write off, pins the champ and hands the belt back over to The Authority. IRS collects the title “as compensation” for the unpaid taxes and deems Cena “caught up”.

Plan J-JBL

If The Authority is looking for a figure that can represent the company, why not have one of the most successful businessmen in WWE (gimmick) history. Limo ridin’, jet flyin’ (probably) and that’s about it. Aside from the upscale lifestyle, he’s one of the meanest, dirtiest S.O.B’s this company has ever seen. Knowing what it takes to defeat Cena having been in previous feuds with him. JBL would be the ideal choice for The Authority to pick and besides, fans could always go for one more clothesline from hell from the outlaw turned businessman.

Plan K-Kurt Angle

Who better to represent the company than an Olympic gold medalist that won with a broken freakin’ neck? Kurt Angle already expressed that he won’t be renewing his TNA contract and mentioned how wherever he goes next will be his last place. If that doesn’t incite you to begin to question when he’s returning to the WWE than what kind of fan are you. Angle is a juggernaut (on the decline due to the years of wrestling) and I’d hope he’d have one more title reign in him, even if it’s a shorter reign to put someone else over. Besides, it would be nice to hear those horns going during his entrance and all of us get to chant “YOU SUCK” at him, which has to be one of the most ironic things we ever did as fans (also thanks Edge!).

Plan L-Luke Harper 

Ok, hear me out on this; The Authority goes through essentially three categories of plans: The chiseled star with good looks/build, the up and coming future star and then the older, lunatic-filled like anger. Maybe continuing with having a lunatic will prove to be too much for Cena and given the beating Lesnar is bound to give Cena, he (Cena) won’t have much left in the tank considering he’d use every super-Cena comeback in his match. I’d imagine the way it’d go down would be similar to when Cena won the elimination chamber match at New Year’s Revolution and then had Edge cash in (successfully) on him. Luke Harper would stalk Cena towards the ring get in and deliver the spinning lariat and nearly decapitate Cena.

Plan M-Mark Henry

Continuing on with monster themed plans, sending monster after monster to Cena would eventually catch up where his body would literally fail. Henry would be another destructive force that would squash Cena after his victory. Henry would come back with the faction and the faction would have their way with Cena, all planting finishers and allowing Henry to walk in, place one foot on the chest of the fallen superhero and then the next feud would be that of Henry’s faction vs. The Authority.

Plan R-Raven

Instead of having a monster built in the likes of Lesnar, Harper, and Henry among others, we have a monster built from the mind. Raven would be an ideal choice to get into the head of Cena and play the mind games that Bray Wyatt had played but would hit on much deeper levels. Play mind games that would remind you of the feud he had with Sandman back in ECW when he involved Sandman’s son and ex-wife. This sort of mind trickery would implode Cena mentally and render him a sad, useless being all due to the power of mind games (and of course the evenflow DDT would do the trick. 3 times to ensure it).

Plan S-Sami Zayn 

Ok, another personal favorite because of how damn talented this man is.  Given that he was given Hunter's endorsement and made a believer out of him, it’s hard to not think that he would be a HHH guy. With having The Authority to back you up, victories are almost guaranteed given the power they possess. Sami’s high-octane style would be too much for Cena to contain which then would end with a Helluva kick and a 3-count. Besides, Sami is going to be a future WWE champion so why delay the inevitable when you could just bring it to fruition? 

Plan T-Tazz

Tazz would be much similar to that of Goldberg. Cena cuts a promo when the familiar heartbeat theme would begin and he’d come in and just kick all sorts of colors out of Cena ultimately ending with the Tazzmission. Tazz is a person who can talk for him or having a mouthpiece could work for him and he could be The Authority's bulldog that they sic on people. Maybe he’s not even a plan in that he is just set to go destroy Cena for another plan to come in to clean up the scraps. Or maybe, he just keeps the scraps for himself.

Plan W- William Regal

How great would it be to see Regal walk down, interrupting Cena and mentioning how he was simply the messenger for The Authority and that their message is “BAM” power of the punch catches Cena on his glass jaw, drops the mic and falls to his back. Regal, ever so gently, lies on top with ease and signals for the ref. The title is brought back to The Authority and you have it represented by a proper, classy Englishmen in Regal. 

So you see, The Authority's plans shouldn’t just stop after plan C. That’s way too Hollywood style of them. Their backups should have backups of their backups to ensure that victories and titles all fall back with The Authority.  This is a sure way to win. Again, who am I kidding? Cena would Super Cena all of these plans and still come out on top. All of you know this, and the ones that whine and moan about him being on top and say that they’re “done” watching the product, are the same ones that are watching Raw the next night, arms crossed and a frown over their face. 

Realistically, Cena’s title reigns should be focused on putting others over or helping others put others over. It’ll be interesting to see what the plan is for Lesnar winning and where his next feud will begin. I’m hopeful that it begins with Cesaro and we get a Cesaro/Lesnar feud. It’s an easy feud to go with and one that can pan out quite nicely. 

After Summerslam, what kind of feuds would you like to see or storylines being developed past it. Let me know in the comments or find me on Twitter at @Kwnsmith and let’s talk wrestling there. 

Stay classy, IWC

Quinn